 |
|
My Gorn Campaign - The Final Showdown, part 3
Author's foreword: This story is the description of the final battle of My Gorn Campaign. The previous part of this final installment can be found here.
At the end of the last installment (for those who are just too darn busy to check it out for themselves) the Gorn Heavy Battlecruiser GCS Toga Terrorizer had warped into Organian space to carry out Operation J'Accuse. Having been forewarned to expect the most unusual situation of a Romulan ally, the crew was still totally unprepared to find that the Romulan in question was none other than their old nemesis the R-KHK KillerHawk Super-Heavy Cruiser which we had battled three times before. As improbable as this chance meeting might have been, it was not even close to the infinitely improbable coincidence that occurred a few minutes later when it was discovered that the Romulans had hired as their marketing consultant... well, if you really want to know, you will just have to read the previous installment As this final installment begins the Gorn Heavy Battlecruiser GCS Toga Terrorizer is heading towards Organia while pondering the implications of the latest communiqu� from the ISC...
"Is it really the proper think to do?" said Lieutenant Gzznttn, as we entered the turbolift to return to the bridge. "The ISC have threaten to obliterate our home planets if we do not fight the Romulan warship. To continue to honor our agreement with the Romulans may cost a billion Gorn lives."
"We Gorns are nothing without our honor" I replied, "Which of course is a pretty sad commentary on the entire history of the our people. The Mirak have thrived for thousands of years and I wouldn't trust one of them alone for five minutes with my sister."
"You don't have a sister, sir."
"Well, just goes to show you then, doesn't it? They are so despicable that I am forced to lie about the existence, or lack of it, of member of my family."
"Still," pondered Gzznttn, "I wouldn't turn one down if he offered to buy me a drink."
"Gzznttn, the only way to get a drink out of a Mirak is to stick your finger down his throat".
At this moment the turbolift doors opened and we entered the bridge. The crew had been putting their time to good use, reviewing targeting procedures, analyzing data, and putting the finishing touches on the "Pinafore" costumes. While as their captain it would be natural that I could expect a certain level of professionalism and skill, nevertheless I was very proud of what they were doing. Especially the fine needlework on the hems.
"We have confirmed the ISC numbers" said the weapons officer. "Three destroyers and two defense stations. As of yet they are out of weapons range so I switched our sensors to the Romulan so we might complete our calibrations."
"Very good" I said, taking my seat. "Lieutenant Gzznttn, please open a channel to the Romulan ship."
The Romulan responded almost immediately.
"Commander Decius here. I take it, Captain, that you have confirmed the value of our alliance with your admiral?" Decius smiled coyly. Apparently he have monitored the video transmission as well as the audio. Screenshots of the admiral and his "friend" would no doubt be circulating among the Romulan High Command within hours. It certainly will make the next Gorn-Romulan Joint High Command Conference an event to remember for Admiral Tsklwqqln.
"Yes, Commander. I will continue to follow you towards Organia." I motioned the communications officer to close the channel before Decius could reply. I might have to make nice with the Romulans, but we were going to have the last word. Petty behavior often defines the Gorn-Romulan relationship.
"Captain, what are our orders regarding the ISC?" asked Gzznttn. "Should we hold fire until we have had a chance to determine their true motives?"
"Lieutenant Gzznttn, if those smug 'rulers-of-the-galaxy' so much as drop their shields for a fraction of a second to pass gas, we will open fire!!
"OPENING FIRE, SIR!!" cried the weapons officer. A fraction of a second later a dazzling spread of phaser beams lashed out and struck the Romulan.
Oh, crap.
The communications channel from the Romulans opened a moment later. The image of Commander Decius filled the screen. His normally irritated expression transcended itself, no doubt assisted by what appeared to be a warm liquid dripping down the front of his trousers. One could only hope that it was coffee.
"You have violated the alliance and attacked us!" he screamed, something the Romulans are not very good at during the best of times. It is still astonishing that a race which when speaking in conversation can raise the scales on the back of a Gorn's neck can sound at times like this quite similar to a parrot undergoing exploratory surgery sans anesthesia. "You and your crew shall pay for this with your LIVES!!". He immediately closed the channel. Damn, he got the last word in this time. Two to one, still in our favor, but nothing to celebrate at a time like this. That can come later.
My crew reacted with professional calm, readying weapons and stowing their thimbles. Due to the sudden deceleration (caused by the power drain to initiate recharge of the phaser capacitor) we suffered our first casualty. An officer had stabbed himself with a needle, but a few stitches and a boo-boo kiss from the doctor soon had him back at his station. What had us at a loss was the behavior of the Romulan. Far from turning to initiate an attack, he was now traveling even faster towards Organia.
"Shall we continue to follow him, Captain?" said Lieutenant Gzznttn, already picking at the stitches. "We are already getting close to the maximum range of the ISC weapons".
"Let's come to a complete halt" I said. The weapons officer looked over to me with an expression of dismay on his face, but I silenced him with a glance. We shall see who is Sir Joseph and who is Little Buttercup, I thought to myself.
Author's Note:
The events of the battle that are about to be presented to the reader are a very close rendering of what actually occurred. Only a few minor changes have been made to avoid revealing any secret tactics that I might find of use in the Dynaverse 2 arena. Assuming of course I ever come across a Romulan opponent who has just spilled coffee down his trousers. Assuming it was coffee.
We came to a halt and watched as the Romulan slowly circled behind the planet. We then watched as he came out from behind the other side of the planet. We continued to watch as he transited across the face of the planet. We looked on as he went behind the planet again. We... well, you get the idea.
"That's very odd behavior for a Romulan" said Lieutenant Gzznttn.
"That would be very odd behavior for any sentient being" I said, "except of course for an Orion, who would do anything as long as there was some chance that at the end of the evening they could be walking out with someone else's wallet."
We watched the Romulan for several revolutions, assessing the overall tactical situation and practicing the chorus to "When I Was A Lad". The ISC also stayed motionless and observed the Romulan, although the nature of their other activities could not be determined. They seem more of a Wagnerian bunch, anyway.
It seemed prudent at this point to take advantage of the lull and brief the Marine detachment, so I had Gzznttn call Major Qsstblk to the bridge. Within moments the Major came storming to the bridge, pausing neither for the usual amenities nor for the opening of the turbolift doors. This latter decision resulted in a rather noticeable bruising of the Major's snout, although this was minor compared to the damage to the lift doors.
"Major, we need to discuss possible options in the use of your boarding parties" I said to the Major, who was now poised a rigid attention next to my command chair.
"SIR, YES, SIR!!! WE ARE READY SIR!!! URRAGH!!"
"Yes, my dear Major, I am sure you are ready. I'm sure when you where born it was most fortunate for your mother that you disdained any delays and emerged at double-time. However, this operation may require a little finesse, so some patience might be in order."
"SIR, YES, SIR!!!" shouted the major, although I detected some uncertainty in his voice, since it had dropped a decibel or two. Still, there was a slight trickle of blood from the ears of the navigator, who had by most unfortunate luck had been sitting directly in front of the major. I wondered if the major was unhappy to be cautioned in front of the crew. Or perhaps he was still confused by the use of 'finesse' without any other references to haircare products.
"Major, we are about to enter battle with the Romulan, and we will need you to assault his ship" I said, waving vaguely in the direction of the viewscreen where the KillerHawk could now just be seen emerging from behind the planet.
"SIR, YES, SIR!!! URRAGH!!" cried the Major, and ran forward, trampling the unfortunate navigator who had just at this moment returned to his station with tuffs of cotton protruding from his ears. The major made a flying leap from the navigation console, taking the final pushoff from the chest of the navigator, and crashed head on into the viewscreen, which is composed of several centimeter thick armorglass. The small manufacturing planet of Zugblatt produces the armorglass for the Gorn navy and they claim that one could place oneself behind a sheet of their armorglass, make an rude gesture to a Arcturan megaknurl, and stand confident of ones safety while the megaknurl repeatedly hurls itself at you. Sadly in the only recorded instance of this claim being put to the test there was a misunderstanding of the structure of the experiment, in that the experimenters failed to provide adequate support to maintain the armorglass in the vertical position, with the predictable result that the armorglass, while as claimed remaining whole under the assault of the megaknurl, did in fact fall over upon the test subject, crushing him to death. The Zugblattians discredit the results of this experiment, noting that there was no retrievable record of the rude gesture made, or whether in fact a gesture had been made at all.
The bridge crew helped the major and the navigator back to their previous positions and administered further first aid to the latter. The former refused any help and snapped back to attention at my side, although I did detect a slight wobble to his stance.
"As I was saying, Major, I will need you to conduct operations against the Romulan ship" I said, being careful not to make any motions that might be misinterpreted. The Major knitted his brow as if preparing to speak, but apparently dropped a stitch or two in the effort and remained silent. I continued, "Please be sure that all preparations are made immediately, as I will want to beam you over at the first sign of a dropped shield. You are dismissed."
"SIR, YES, SIR!!!" replied the major. He smartly snapped a salute and spun on his heel. However, the previously mentioned wobbliness must have been getting worse as the major, instead of ending up facing opposite to his previous stance, completed the full circle and finished his maneuver once again facing the viewscreen. His eyes completed another series of spins around the dancefloor of his occipital lobes and then came to rest, as if predestined, directly upon the image of the Romulan ship once again transiting the viewscreen.
"URRAGH!!" once again cried the major as he charged forward, his hobnailed boots sparking off the belt buckle of the sadly misplaced navigator who was still prone on the deck. This time the major's leap was not as impeded by the unfortunate placement of the navigator and the marine managed to hit the viewscreen in a more fully stretched out posture, as if he was taking a mis-oriented bellyflop into an armorglass pool. The screen once again held it's own during the onslaught, but as the major slid down into a more at-ease stance the glass was seen to be displaying some minor but noticeable cracks. I sighed and had the two of them removed for further care, although I made sure that they were not to be placed in the same room, for no doubt the navigator's nerves, not to mention his spleen, would most likely not be up to another frontal assault.
As the crew cleaned up the mess and applied duct tape to the viewscreen cracks I contemplated my next action. One possible course would be to continue waiting on the circling Romulan, who as yet had not displayed any indication of hostile intent other than the attempt to bore us to death. A second would be to attack the ISC ships by ourselves in order to redeem our honor in the eyes of the Romulans. Aside from the tactical considerations of attacking one enemy while another remains unsubdued, the thought of risking our lives for the sake of honor seemed about as smart as offering to buy the house a drink; it seems like a good idea at the time but you pay for it later. So there seemed no other option but to attack the Romulan.
"Lieutenant, let's move towards the planet" I said. My plan was straightforward; we would close up to the planet while the Romulan was on the back side. We moved close to Organia and turned to wait for the oncoming Romulan. Oddly enough, there wasn't the least sign of activity on the ISC ships. We debated whether they were taking bets on the fight and considered buying into the action ourselves until we realized the difficulty in collecting on the wager.
As the Romulan came round the planet he came face to face with the Toga Terrorizer, powered, charged, and barely sober. And at a dead stop. Our secret tactic was simple; a Gorn Heavy Battlecruiser can move, or it can fire. It is damn hard to do both. So we simply plopped ourselves in his way like a full-sized moose before a minibike. The Romulan fired off a phaser volley which we barely noticed, having also diverted some power into the forward shield. We in turn then fired off a pseudo plasma ball and then another to get a weasel out of him. He responded in kind and we likewise weaseled. As this was taking place the Romulan slowly closed the range until he was close enough to spit on (a metaphorical concept beyond the grasp of many of my crew, causing much distress to the housecleaning shift on board). Now was our chance. Our careful calculations had determined that he would not be able to weasel again for a few more seconds. Now was the time!
"Full alpha strike!" I yelled to the weapons officer. However, grown cautious because of his last blunder, he turned to me to ask if I was sure. I drew my blaster and pointed it at his head. "Oh, yes, I am very sure" I answered. He spun round and punched the console. Five plasma balls shot across the short distance between our vessels...
... and promptly curved to follow the weasel that scooted away from the KillerHawk. We had miscalculated a wee bit. The Hawk moved closer and as it passed us he discharged his full volley.
"POP A WEASEL!!" I shouted. Disappointingly, it was just a mite too late. The number two shield collapsed and throughout the ship a sickening lurch was felt. For a crew already a bit queasy from too many mixed drinks and cocktail weenies this was the proverbial stirring straw that poked out the eye of Joe Camel. And the limited supply of barf bags swiped from Gorn Airlines proved to be woefully short. Yet it was a blessing in disguise, for at that moment Romulan boarding parties beamed in all over the ship... and beamed right out again. There are many frightening and hopeless combat situations into which a Romulan marine will enter without a thought, but even the lowest toga-wearing grunt has his limits. In a moment the KillerHawk was passed us and we slowly turned away to recharge our weapons, dropping mines in the path of the Hawk to weaken his front shield.
The KillerHawk swung around for another firing pass. As he approached we launched our last three pseudo plasmas and the KillerHawk dutifully popped a weasel. We continued to close and watched as the Romulan's speed began to increase... 3.7, 3.8, 3.9, 4.0...
"Alpha strike!" I again yelled to the weapons officer, this time displaying the blaster so there would be no mistake. Five plasma balls and four phaser bolts discharged towards the Hawk and stuck him dead on. His front shield went down and he took many internal hits.
"Gorn scum! Surrender at once!" shouted the Romulan Commander Decius as the image of his bridge appeared on our viewscreen. The duct tape crossing his face made it look like an abstract painting. But the gray tape did complement the commander's eyes.
Before I could make any reply there was a shimmering behind the commander; someone was beaming aboard. In a moment the shimmer turned into none other than our own Marine Major Qsstblk. He momentarily sized up the situation, then responded with swift, decisive action.
"URRAGH!!" shouted the major and ran towards Decius, drawing a knife from his belt as he approached. Decius, however, certainly the best dancer on the Romulan bridge, waited till the major made his leap and then sidestepped away. The major, with almost cosmic pre-determination, ran straight into the Romulan viewscreen.
Decius started to smile, but the smile turned to a look of horror as he saw one of his crew raise a heavy blaster rifle towards the major. He started to cry out, but it was too late. The rifle blast went across the bridge, through the major, through the viewscreen and through the hull, causing an immediate depressurization of the bridge, which imploded. In a chain reaction the remaining compartments of the ship, weakened by battle, each collapsed in turn, till the whole ship exploded. The KillerHawk was no more.
The sound of cheers on the Toga Terrorizer was soon complemented by the pop of champagne corks and the squeal of noisemakers. We had defeated our nemesis! We were victorious!
Moments later a volley of fire from the rapidly closing ISC destroyers struck the ship.
Holy crap!
"Shields full up! Go to yellow alert! ECM to maximum. Speed to 31!" I shouted. I leaned over the navigator�s shoulder and plotted the course myself. We were getting the heck out of Dodge.
"Are we not going to complete our mission?" asked Lieutenant Gzznttn.
"Hell, no" I said. "We have to save that for another installment!"
;-)
End of Part 6